Telebision

I confess, I watched the Teen Choice Awards, eagerly ogling hot men. I read somewhere that the top of the most desirable demographic in America is the age of 49, so I can still do things like that. For a few more years at least. I'm happy to report one of the hottest men on the show was one Johnny Depp. Totally my age and one sexy muthafucka. I've had a boner for him ever since he got sucked down (ha!) into his own bed in the very first Nightmare On Elm Street. But I was really tuned in because I couldn't resist the worldwide debut of the endless talent about to pour forth from Mr. Britney Spears. I was a little surprised when the baby factory herself appeared on stage to introduce hubby dumbest. What wasn't surprising? She didn't even bother to take the gum out of her mouth beforehand! She ain't country. Our Brit is pure, 100% American trailer park. The performance? What's the word I'm searching for? Oh yeah! SUCKED! Not that I have an iota of influence, but if this guys "career" doesn't dry up and fizzle, America not only has no talent, it has no taste. Seriously, it was bad y'all. And it's not just that I don't particularly like rap. It was bad rap. Crap rap if you will. Badly written, over performed. An approaching 30 white guy trying to bust out the street cred and sounding like a whiny punk.

After that horror, I happily tuned in to watch the Comedy Central roast of William Tiberius Shatner. I figured it would be a great show, as T.J. Hooker has been a pretty good sport about making fun of himself over the years. It turned out to be a bit uneven. Nichelle Nichols gets only a few seconds of screen time, just long enough to botch a joke. Sandra Bullock sends over a pretty hilarious video. And then there was Farrah Fawcett. What do you say about the great train wreck that is Farrah? One too many visits to her nip/tuck doctor. She's wisely learned to use her hands to cover up her oddly re-shaped upper lip. What she doesn't cover, is how completely fucked up and seemingly drug addled she's become. Here, she can't even get out a single line. That's when I wasn't totally distracted by her droopy bra strap. She's like a crazy old Aunt that you invite to Christmas and then search her oversized bag for stolen silverware. Oh, and I totally had an 80's crush on T.J. Hooker sidekick Adrian Zmed, pictured here with one-time j/o fantasy Scott Baio.


Not so much now.

One of the standouts? None other than Golden Girl Betty White. Sue Ann Nivens has always had a kick ass delivery, and she hits 'em well here. And it was totally worth tuning in just to hear Betty White say "cock ring". Fun-neee!