People Come And Go So Quickly Here

Unfortunately, hiring and firing people is part of my job. The hiring part is pleasant enough, although you have no idea how many people show up for a job totally unprepared to fill out an application (no resume, no contact numbers, NO PEN!!!), I swear, if you show up to apply for a job from me and have to borrow a pen to fill out the application you may as well stamp LOSER REJECT on your forehead. Or they decide to apply for a job waiting tables in a multi-million dollar, multi level, high volume Times Square restaurant when their only previous job experience was in a laundromat. Don't even get me started on the people who come in for a job serving the public when they absolutely reek of cigarettes, let alone the ones who literally stink.

Now firing people is never fun either, but sometimes you simply have no choice. From their behavior alone, some people practically demand you fire them. I'm actually convinced of this. When you repeatedly warn someone about some unacceptable behavior, or as I do at times, when you out and out tell someone that some such action will result in them getting fired, and they do it anyway, well, as far as I'm concerned, for whatever reason, they wanted to get fired because they don't have the brains or guts to quit. While I was off this "weekend", one of the busboys got fired. Apparently, he instructed a table of 15 people to make up their minds about whether or not they wanted water or "quit wasting his time". They opted instead to leave the restaurant without eating and without paying their check. Perhaps he'll be more generous with his valuable time at his next busboy job.

I hired a skinny gay waiter-ess a couple of weeks ago. He's cute, in a long eyelash, unfortunately no ass at all kind of way. Being gay, he's quite good at waiting tables and carrying trays of liquor. I think it's genetic. On his first night at work after training, he was a no-show. I was surprised because he didn't seem to be the type and I thought he at least liked the job enough to give it a try. He showed up for his next shift and immediately came over to me.

"I'm sorry I missed my shift on Thursday."

"So you were scheduled to come in. I thought perhaps I'd made a mistake and mixed up your schedule."

"No, I was supposed to be here. I was locked up."

(trying not to laugh) "Oh no!"

"I got stopped in the subway and they ran me for warrants and I had a desk appearance I skipped out on. I spent the night in jail. Here's the paperwork."

"Good. I didn't think you were the type to blow off a shift."

"I would have called if I could."

He'll fit right in.