Proctaglia Fugax

Also known by it's more common name, rectal spasms. The pain they describe as "sharp and gripping" can better be described as someone shoving a hot poker up your ass while you're sound asleep. Chronic cases can recur periodically and mine always seem to coincide with a cyst somewhere in or near the anal area. Sorry. The cyst fills with fluid until it looks like a bike tire with a bubble that will burst. It makes walking incredibly uncomforable as well as sitting and crouching down. After 10 or 20 spasms, any sudden movement or shift of weight is blindingly painful.

There is no set treatment beyond hot baths, hot compresses to the affected area, and a drug called diazepam can be tried in regular or severe cases. The idea is to interrupt the spasm and get your body to relax until they subside. Almost like what you do for hiccups.

I have to say that while the cyst was painful and bothersome, the spasms were about the most painful thing I have ever experienced. Causing me to squeeze my pillow and cry out. By 5 am of the second night I began to cry. The whole time I was taking a combination of muscle relaxants and pain meds that I borrowed from my well-stocked friends supplies. That's what we do around here. If you need a medication right away we call around until we find someone with a prescription who can spare a few pills. It's a pretty good system. Especially if the crisis is in the middle of the night. As I researched the treatment for rectal spasm, I noticed the lone drug they mentioned was diazepam. There seems to be some certain shared traits in the "zepam" family. I had access to clonazepam, which is a seizure medication that has been found to relax people with anxiety disorder. Sounded like it might work. Around 7 am I took a half dose and sure enough, within 1/2 hour, the spasms stopped. I finally slept for a few hours.

Today the cyst was causing the bulk of my discomfort, walking except for around the apartment was next to impossible. I took a series of hot baths, I tried numbing it with ice. I finally borrowed a topical Lidocaine solution to apply. I finally found myself up and around about a half hour ago and set about straightening the apartment. If I've left shit everywhere and don't pick anything up you know The Dutchess has fallen ill. There were empty water bottles, balled up paper towels, gauze pads, hydrogen peroxide, and Q-tips all over. Money and change everywhere. Not a lot of food because I had no appetite through all this.

Another article about the condition claims that 14% of adult males experience a form of this condition during their adult life. One possible cause:

"Proctalgia fugax may be associated with functional gastrointestinal disorders. Abdominal pain and distension, frequent loose stools, and a sensation of incomplete evacuation after defecation have been noted more often in patients with proctalgia fugax. The significance of this remains a mystery."

The very digestive problems I've been trying to clear up.

Sory about the anal/rectal/poo post, but if you've been experiencing something similar and haven't felt comfortable talking with your doctor. You're not the only one. Hope this helps.

Update: The Sequel. Do not read if squeamish.

Just as I finished this post while laying on the bed I noticed something really reeked. At first I thought Jet had taken a dump. I wouldn't be surprised I was barely able to walk him the last two days. Then I realized he was right behind me trying to suss out the smell as well. We exchanged looks, like "What the hell is that?" I rolled over and realized that the back of my shorts and leg were wet. I immediately grabbed some paper towels and gauze. The cyst had burst and to say a deliciously disgusting goop was coming out of me would be an understatment. It was fantastically gross. I couldn't have been more delighted. It took about 15 minutes to get cleaned up and then get in the shower. 5 minutes after that I was happily walking the dog as if nothing had ever happened. Emergency Room visit cancelled. Crisis over. I'm just fine again.