Monday, January 02, 2006

Same Shit, Different Year

How did I celebrate this year? I dis-invited myself to a New Year's Eve party and instead stayed home. I left it to The Hellcat, his boyfriend, The Ex, his ex and assorted other people I didn't care to know or feign interest in. I avoided New Year's Rockin' Eve with Dick (Dawn of the Dead) Clark and switched off MTV's coverage of the festivities as well. I did get to a whole new level of X-Men 2, so the night wasn't a total wash out.

For a couple of days, I intended to attend. But something happened while I was visiting my family. A conversation I had with my father. He inadvertantly showed me something I didn't really want to see. To him, I'm sure it was a minor story. We were discussing character traits and how difficult it can be living with another person. Apparently, my need (desire, obsession, you pick) for an orderly house is another inherited trait. I saw lots of them during my visit in both my parents. He told me about how he would spend a few minutes on any given day cleaning up the kitchen. Part of that entailed wiping the bread crumbs and food from the kitchen counter. Only to have my mother come through less than five minutes later and leave a counter full of bread crumbs behind as she fixed herself a snack or some lunch. As if he didn't matter. Or wasn't there. Although I'm not sure that's how he felt about it. Now I'm projecting. What he did say was that after 50 years of marriage he had learned to put up with it. It was the way it was.

I totally understood him and slightly admired his "Zen" approach. I was also quite horrified. I may not have a clue how I want to live the next part of my life. But I know for absolute certainty I have no desire to clean the bread crumbs off the counter for the next 50 years. In other words, I don't want to live with these people anymore. I can't care for them and they obviously don't care for me. The difference now? I've given up trying. So I felt it would be hypocritical to spend the last night/first day of the new year sharing a dinner table and attending a party with them. I'd rather be alone. 'Cause I'd rather be alone. Everything that I can't stand about the both of them is magnified when we're all off and together. I didn't truly relax until everyone said goodnight for the night and left me alone with The X-Men and The Hellcat's dog.

On New Year's Day I more or less barricaded myself in my bedroom. I watched TV and read a book. Late in the afternoon I went to the gym. Did some cardio and about 20 minutes of weight training. I wanted to make at least one healthy choice for myself for the new year to start things off right. Today I'll make it a longer work out. Tomorrow, my search for a new life begins.

Here's some retardedly cool video. - via Trusty Sidekicks

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