Ow.

I totally jammed up my left index finger. It's slightly swollen, I can't pick up anything heavy in my left hand, and I can't curl it closed without considerable pain. Trouble is, I have no idea how I hurt it. My working theories are that it got yanked in the dog's leash or I may have bent it back picking up a weight at the gym. But I have no clear memory of doing either thing. It just got progressively stiffer and more painful as the day went on. Mystery injuries weren't all that uncommon when I was drinking. A scratch here, a bruise there. Sometimes I remembered them, sometimes not. Fortunately, my ability to masturbate remains unimpeded.

I made it to the sober dance tonight. There was a cabaret show before the dance started. Or rather, there was a drag show, where various selections from the movie Dreamgirls were re-created to varying degrees of success. The dance followed, and my social retardation kicked in right on cue. I suck at "bar conversation". After "How are you?" and "I'm fine" I'm pretty much out of material. I used to cure this bit of awkwardness with a round of shots. Then I just stopped going out altogether. Curiously, I'm fine at a restaurant over a meal. I can eat, pop in and out of the conversation, make jokes. I'm like an actor that needs stage business to fill in the times when I'm listening for my cue. Fortunately, it left me feeling slightly down and feeling sorry for myself but without the urge to drink as a punishment. Baby steps.

I'm gonna go ice my finger. Or masturbate. I can't decide.

Update: My index finger and hand swelled up considerably overnight. The throbbing has finally stopped and I've wrapped my hand in an ACE bandage. No weights for me for a couple of days until I heal. I can still do cardio if I'm so motivated. So far today I'm not.