My depression lifted this afternoon. I had a chance to think about what's been bothering me. In a nutshell it's uncertainty and a resistance to change. And my trepidation is pretty laughable. Considering my uncertainty has to do with which investment and how much I should cash out of to keep up with my bills. Considering how poor some people really are in the country and how unbelievably poor some people are in the world, the fact that some white American guy is upset and resistant to sell some stock is beyond ludicrous.
My resistance to change is related to the prospect of finding a new roommate. I can't really decide if I should be looking for a straight woman or a gay man. Living with a straight woman was by far the best roommate situation I ever had. But that's not a guarantee. And I would kind of like to give a nice place to live to another gay man. Maybe even a HIV+ guy. But I'm so burned by the last two men I lived with that the idea of it depresses the hell out of me. This afternoon it hit me. Why decide now? Just place an ad on Craigslist, maybe post another at the Gay/Lesbian center and see what the universe sends me. I am the one who claims the universe speaks to me. So what am I afraid of? Besides, if I don't like what the universe asks, I can always answer no. That realization gave me comfort. Still, I'm not in a hurry. I'm shooting for a new roommate for the new year. I'll probably spend December on my own. I really really enjoy it.
OMG- I forgot to tell you. I got my newest ConEdison (electric) bill over the weekend. It was 80 dollars. Down from last month at 190. And the month before at 235.00. The first step down was the first roommate, the second was The Ex. So I was not imagining turning off the bathroom light 50 times every weekend. Jesus Howard Christ! 155.00 a month extra! What the fuck were they doing?
No comments:
Post a Comment