Quarterly Report

For those stockholders that have shares in my life, here are the latest Corporate: Me numbers.

I weigh an epic 145 lbs.

"I lost two lbs."

"Were you trying to lose weight?"

"At this weight I don't really care."

My blood pressure is textbook perfect.

My cholesterol is a little high and out of range: 222
My caregiver thinks it's the meds, but because my HDL/LDL is perfect, it's nothing to worry about.

My liver is fine. Go figure. Go team liver.

Red blood cell production continues to lag. The red blood cell management team has been called in for a meeting. Expect a shake-up if improvement isn't shown.

Our corporate health plan was insured by an annual flu shot. Yay! I can't tell you how much I obsessed about the flu last year when I couldn't get the shot. Is it just me, or are shots virtually painless nowadays? I barely felt it.

I got a prescription for Immodium (thanks, ADAP!). My daily Kaletra induced diarrhea. P.S, R&D reports that digestive enzymes and acidolphous supplements have no effect in treating this problem. Ditto cutting out caffeine. Just so you know.

I also got a prescription for Ambien. Saving the company $200 dollars bi-annualy. I hope I get a year end bonus for this.

And now the quarterly figures from our two largest departments:

Viral load: Still undetectable.

T-Cells: 797.

Highest ever. I'm giving out fucking T-Cells for Halloween. Trick or Treat mothafuckah. *snap*