In case you haven't figured it out, I've slipped into a bit of a depression. Not surprising, I suppose, considering the holidays have just gone by, we're in the thick of winter (a season I could skip entirely), and the weather this week calls for days and days of rain, clouds and more rain. This depression was hard for me to recognize at first because it snuck up on me over several weeks. Also, it's probably one of the first times I've experienced depression without anxiety. I sort of forgot that the medication I'm on doesn't treat the one or two depressive episodes I experience each year. Fortunately, I was able to reason out or realize that my reactions to things were innapropriate or overblown. But it doesn't feel like a serious depression. I guess some might even call it the winter blues. I'm not horribly sad, just not happy. I'm not paralyzed into inaction, I just don't get much accomplished. I'm not withdrawn, I'm just having trouble communicating.
I did manage to fix The Ex's computer problems. I knew it would just take an afternoon of focused thought about the problem. Of course even though I told him what I thought was the matter, he insisted on e-mailing me a message saying that the people at Dell Tech Support (guffaw) thought the problem was with my system and sending me a contact phone number and case ID #. That's typical. Despite the fact that I found and installed our VOIP phone system. Despite the fact that I installed and maintain our household wirless network. Despite the fact that he refuses to find or use anti-virus software on his system until I installed it today. He'll take the word of some fuckhead tech support dickwad in New Delhi over mine. Of course, having just shot my mouth off I will confess. I am currently re-printing a set of pictures I took from our staff Christmas party the other night. They were printing really badly. I had the paper loaded backwards. I would say I'm not too bright but pretty but let's face it, I ain't pretty. The re-printed pictures are coming out great. Can I say I'm a pretty good photographer for an amateur?
Returning to a variation on the theme of depression, today I attended a matinee with tickets that The Hellcat managed to secure. We almost didn't make it at all as my depression minefested as apathy and I didn't wake The Hellcat on time accidentally on purpose. But he woke at the last minute and I decided to take in the show. It was 'night, Mother. I didn't know anything about the play except that it had won a Pulitzer Prize (in 1983). Turns out it was a two-character piece starring Brenda Blethyn and Edie Falco. The daughter, played by Edie Falco, informs her mother that she intends to kill herself at the end of this very night. The ensuing 90 minutes consists of a back and forth confontation, negotiation and revelation between mother and daughter. There are secrets and lies told and exposed. There is anger and agony. While painful to watch the performances are riveting. Brenda Blethyn makes some minor choices I would have directed differently. Edie Falco is understated in a role that a lesser actress would have mistakenly over-done. Many in the audience were reduced to tears. I enjoyed it immensly but it made me tired not sad. But I agree, it's a brilliant work.
I feel as if I'm letting people down with my sporadic posting. I still haven't even finished my year end wrap-up. I thought it was work but now I see it was me being *blech*. I'll try to do better. Stick with me. Or stick it in me. You decide.
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