From The Ashes ...

I Lost 3 Pounds

over the weekend. It wasn't intentional. My appetite is off. It's not that I don't get hungry. It just takes a while. Sunday I slept 'till 1 pm. I had closed the club the night before and because of the storm I decided to take the subway home instead of my customary taxi. A safer choice. Many of our cabdrivers are from countries where they have no snow (or waste disposal). Taking a cab during a snowstorm in NYC can be uneventful, or a frightening segment on Fear Factor. In any event, it explains why I was up at 4 am taking pictures on 18th st. (see below). Regardless of whether or not I have a couple of voddies, I'm up for at least an hour after that. So a 1 pm wake -up time isn't even slightly out of the norm. What is odd is that despite rising at 1 pm, it wasn't until 6 pm that I had "breakfast". I was noodling around on-line. I finished filing my taxes. I was searching for info regarding my now inexplicably dead Palm Zire. Next thing you know, I'm finally hungry and it's 5:30.

After a meal I popped into my gym for a hot shower and steam. OK, full disclosure. I had a HUGE zit on my face (at 40+ yrs of age!) and thought that the steam would make popping it less painful and bloody. Turns out I was absolutely right. You can barely see where it was now. Then I swung by the porno boothstore on 14th just to see what's what. It's close proximity to NYU makes it a delightful distraction at times. But not on this day. I split. Headed to the grocery store for some supplies.

Home around 9 (for Desperate Housewives, god, I am so gay!) then I went back on "The Internets" while cleaning up my bedroom, doing some on-line banking and paying off credit cards. Before you know it it's midnight and another meal is out of the question. Better I should go to bed hungry than eat and try to sleep on a full stomach. My vanity and fear of getting fat wins out over hunger every time.

Playing into this entire scenario is what's going on at work. They don't like you to eat. More specifically, they don't like you to eat when you're supposed to be working. For a restaurant/bar/nightclub in NYC this is odd. Most restaurant managers complain that work is making them put on weight. All that available food and you can basically eat at will. Not here. This weekend I was told to take the dinner roll with butter I was eating and take it "out to the floor". I was in the kitchen eating a roll, and I got attitude. A full dinner makes them have kittens. And I don't think it's a matter of them being cheap bastards. Rather, I think it's a matter of them providing me with substandard pay and expecting me to be "at work" whenever I'm at work. Apparently, I'm expected to eat on my own time. I've tried to let them know that I can't work from 4 in the afternoon until 2:30 or 3 in the morning without food. I've tried to express that besides being generally unhealthy, it's unhealthy for me. But if I take it even further I would have to disclose being HIV+. And while I have no proof that this would cause me to lose my job I got a feeling ...

I have been bringing extra food/snacks with me to work which helps a lot but the bottom line is that work is playing into my "food issues" and my food issues are playing into my work. The result is I'm not eating well, I'm not eating healthy, but I have to say, my abs look faaaaaaaabulous right now.