Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Run Suede, Run!

Tom was biking in to work after having another stage his of root canal completed. Actually, at first Tom rode all over the lower west side looking for The UPS delivery center so Tom could pick up a package that he missed delivery on. But once that was sorted, Tom began pedaling up 8th Avenue heading for work. Just past 34th Street, who should walk directly in the path of Tom's bicycle but Suede, from this season's deservedly oft-maligned season of Project Runway.

Tom hates Suede.

OK, hate is too strong but Tom really doesn't like Suede. Aside from the fact that Tom thinks that Suede is a no-talent hack as far as design goes, Tom also thinks that faux-hawks are a pretty played out hairstyle, and certainly should absolutely not be worn by men over 30. Tom won't even go there about faux-hawks dyed blue. Tom also can't stand people who speak about themselves in the third person. Tom thinks it's absolutely ridiculous. And even if it was cute once or twice, which it's not, Tom thinks Suede looks like a complete idiot doing it week after week on national television. Especially when there's nothing else particularly interesting or remarkable about Suede.

So all Tom could think of when he spotted Suede was how much fun it would be to run Suede over. And then Tom could pin Suede down with his front tire and explain that single names are only tolerable on people if you earn them over decades, like Cher or Elvis, and not when you decide to just refer to yourself that way, like Suede. And Tom would instruct Suede to knock it off, because it's annoying.

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