A reader left a comment on a recent previous post asking me why "they didn't give you anti-virals to wipe the viral load to undetectable?" That's a great question. And rather than answer in the comments section I thought I would talk about it here. As it pretty much relates to the original reason I created this blog. The start of which was when I was first diagnosed almost two years ago. As therapeutic as it's been to me to have an outlet for my thoughts, feelings, hopes and fears, I've also always hoped I could give out good information as well as chronicle my experiences as an HIV+ individual. As I don't see this virus going away any time soon, I'm hoping others will be able to use some of the information I post to make their experience a little less scary, a little less lonely.
Having said that, I guess now's as good a time as any to discuss HIV meds and the onset of treatment.
The CDC as well as most HIV care providers have a set number as of this writing where treatment is recommended. I believe the current CD4 (Tcell) levels are at 350 or below. Viral load is a trickier subject as (a) It's an inexact science and varies from test to test and (b) there's a certain amount of disagreement as to how much viral load is too much and should be treated. There are other factors as well. Some people are in a relationship with an HIV- partner. While there is no proof that those with an undetectable viral load can't pass the virus on to a partner, many people opt to eradicate (theoretically) the viral load in their bloodstream in the hope of making transmission less likely should an accident (broken condom, etc. ) occur. Some people are just so totally freaked out by the virus that they insist on treatment immediately regardless of recommended procedures. If your perceived quality of life is being impaired by having a live deadly virus in your bloodstream or it is more than you can bare, have at it then.
Still, I'm mindful of the fact that despite advances in treatment options, and more on the way, HIV meds can kick your ass. Depending on what you're taking and in what combination, you can experience dizziness, nausea (as well as unexpected vomiting), headaches, neuropathy and an over-all lack of energy. Lets not forget psychological side effects, irritability (although who could tell with me) and the always popular unexpected diarrhea.
Part of me is still reacting from the old-school AZT era when I and many other people knew that treatment basically equaled poison. That's not really the case today. And I'm already taking anti-anxiety meds daily, "super crazy" meds as needed (it's been weeks) and testosterone therapy for my previously mentioned rock hard 8 inch cut cock (pictures available upon request), so it's not like I'm medication averse. The key for me is how I feel. And normally lately I feel fine. Not sick, not tired. Not unable to hold down a job or my lunch. I sleep well and am always hungry. What exactly would I be medicating for? But that brings me to another issue I haven't talked about. I'm contagious. I have live active virus in my bloodstream right now. My blood could kill you. So could my cum. That freaks me the fuck out.
Enough for me to start meds? Well no. But it's coloring my entire life. I prefer to "hook up" (ha!) with HIV+ people. It takes a layer of pressure off me. I don't really date. When someone who's sero-status is unkown to me starts to flirt, I might play for a bit, but when it comes down to it I end up walking away. I'm unwilling to risk disclosing my status only to be rejected. And not disclosing my status is not an option. Unless whatever encounter I'm engaged in is totally safe. If we're in the same room and watching some porn and jerking each other off and shooting a load on my belly well, my being HIV+ is irrelevant. The cum rag doesn't care.
Although apparently I do.
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