So I didn't really manage much in the debauchery department on my birthday but I covered drunken nicely. That is, if you don't count when I walked up to the bar at The Slide, practically hypnotized by the massive uncut hard cock on the almost naked Latin go-go boy. I tipped him 5 dollars, told him he was "beyooful" and ran my hand down his chest and felt up his hard-on. That's the extent of the dick I got. As it got later I was sort of worried because I had to wake up in time to open the restaurant at 10 am, which is the equivalent of most of you getting up for work at 3 am. I confess, after completing the East Village tour of Nowhere, The Pheonix, Urge, The Slide and finally Dick's (with a stop to fuel up at The Dumpling Man on St. Mark's, GO!) I don't really remember how when or why I got home but I did make it to work more or less on time.
I was a little apprehensive about my roommate's leaving town last month. I was a bit afraid of being left alone as I was feeling a tad fragile. Besides, both men leaving me alone hits the abandonment/rejection button I've integrated into my psychological tapestry. Surprisingly, an unexpected result of this is the very clear realization that I don't want to live with them at all anymore. And it's not a they suck sort of thing. It's an I don't want to live with anyone sort of thing. I want my things left where I put them. I want to clean the toilet and not have someone piss on the seat the same day. I want to go in the fridge for grated cheese and have it be there and not used up and not replaced. I want my house to be my house alone and I don't need to share my space or compromise for people that quite frankly, ain't fucking me or getting fucked by me so why am I constantly pissed off and feeling used. So I've started shopping around for a studio or one bedroom to buy. Besides the obvious investment rewards I want to have my own place all by myself with no Hellcat and no Ex and nobody to fuck up my plans or cock block me or treat me like I don't matter or turn on the kitchen faucet when I'm showering.
I've been searching and searching for an online pharmacy that I found a year or so ago that will fill prescriptions with just an online "consultation". I finally found it today. Yay! Xanax, Ambien, Viagra, Oh my!
Every year since I turned 40 I've decided to use my birthday as an occasion to make a change. The first year I quit smoking. The next I had an HIV test. That worked out well. Anyway, this year I've decided to quit my job and find another. I've had the chance to honestly asses what's going on and what the future may hold at my current job. I'm not making enough and while I may make more, it will still be on the low end for the size of the venue. I get no health insurance and I never will. I get no 401k investment and I never will. There's the freaky you work in a restaurant but can't eat thing. I work in a smoke filled tiny office and that won't change. The bad far outweighs the good and I'm simply not working in a healthy environment. I need to see it for what it is and walk away. I'm bright, capable and I have a lot of experience. There's a better opportunity out there but I won't find it if I don't look.
So tomorrow I start looking.
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