From The Ashes ...

You Didn't Stick The Landing

I had a feeling I was going to be in for it to a degree with my last (not counting the bit about Bomber Boy) post. I couldn't be happier. This is a subject that I wrestle with on an ongoing basis. I welcome the opportunity to hear opposing (and agreeing) viewpoints and I am privileged to bring this subject out where, hopefully at least the truth will be. I received two separate e-mails from the same person regarding that post. After the first e-mail I wrote back asking if I could post it and respond. I got a qualified "I suppose" in response, which in this case is good enough for me, because I really feel the whole discussion on both sides has some interesting merit as well as some radically different reactions to the same (seemingly) set of facts. That and the fact that the only completely public figure in this blog is me so no matter what the content he can't be identified. The following came in as two e-mails I am posting here as one longer piece. There was a minor edit as extraneous content and a couple of typos corrected:

________________________________________________________________

Saw your response in your blog... While you need to do what you feel
comfortable with, I'd challenge you to step back and see a bigger
picture...

If you smoke, have you ever given someone a cigarette? If you drive, don't
you worry about hitting other people and hurting them? - especially if
you've ever gone over the speed limit or driven after "a drink or two".
Have you ever served fatty food to guests? Bought clothes that were made
in a sweat shop?

The list could go on and on... The point is that risk is inherent in life.
Pretty much anything we do could hurt us or someone else. One of the many
reasons why people take risks is for personal pleasure, which was the case
with the gangbang. It's really no different than people who engage in
"extreme sports".

You're basically saying that it's OK to bareback an anonymous, blindfolded
bottom (if you pull out before you cum), but a gangbang where the bottom
is taking multiple loads isn't a good idea. My guess is that your
blindfolded bottom would have enjoyed being the gangbang bottom and would
have taken your load. The distinction between the two events seems
academic.

We're in a political environment where our personal liberties are being
stripped away in order to protect our "liberty". While you say the bottom
is free to live his life as he chooses, the general tone of your post was
that what he did was wrong and/or irresponsible. Just remember that
someone else may look at your sex life and say the same thing.

People have irrational outlooks on sexual behavior... I know of a guy who
was a neg bottom taking anonymous loads who wouldn't consider bondage
because of the off chance that he might get tied up and left to die. He
was willing to accept the fairly large risk of being infected with a
deadly disease, but the smaller risk of bondage wasn't "acceptable" to
him. And incidentally the risk of infection was real - one of his tops
intentionally pozzed him, which curiously he's OK with, but he still won't
consider bondage...

We're all allowed to hold irrational beliefs and even live our lives by
them, but please see how your post went a bit beyond that - to judging
other people's behavior...

A few more random thoughts on the matter...

Paul Morris (who's behind T.I.M.) is all about "documentary porn". What
happened on tape is typical of what the bottom does in real life - hell,
it was what he was doing the rest of the weekend when he was out on his
own... Whatever risk there is, is a risk he takes all the time - not just
when he's doing a porn video.

The current IML has a quote on his website that he's glad bareback sex has
come out of the closet (http://www.pawscave.dircon.co.uk/IML/being7.htm).
Before it was "out" people used to claim they weren't doing it, now
they'll admit to it. You can't discuss the issue with someone if they
simply end the discussion by saying they don't do it (when in fact they
do).

I'm not sure what you're response will be, but if it's along the lines
that it (bareback gangbang videos) makes barebacking attractive - I'm not sure that's the entire
picture. People know the risks, they know bareback gangbang bottoms they
see on screen are poz. They also know HIV kills (eventually).

When it comes down to it, how is the impact of a bareback video different
than you discussing your bareback experiences on a public website?

__________________________ __________________________

Well, I have to say sir, while I thought you started out pretty weak you finished strong. You did in fact "get me" a couple of times and I'll try to address those points as honestly as I can. And I have to say, some of the mental gymnastics you've managed to accomplish to explain your actions are truly impressive, and honestly, and I'm being serious, you've made me take a hard look at how I'm really feeling about this subject. so in that, at least, you're OK by me.

First, comparing a bareback gangbang to a bummed cig is really apples and watermelons don't you think? And to answer your question no, when I smoked I frequently refused to give out cigarettes but not as a means to protect anyone's health but because I believe people that bum cigs are the lowest form of sub-human excrement walking the planet. I smoked for 20 yrs and I never, NEVER bummed a cigarette. "I only smoke when I drink." Fuck you! You smoke! Buy your own. You're marked as pathetic and cheap. Also, it was a variant of taking responsibility for my nasty habit. I smoked, so I always had cigarettes and a match or a lighter. People that smoke, but never have the means to smoke on them are just pathetic as well. (I feel better) And no, if I drove and believed there was a real possibility I was going to hit someone I would not drive. That's the point I may try making throughout this discussion. If I know that my actions would bring serious overt harm to another human being how can I justifiably take that action?
I won't even dignify the fatty food or sweat shop analogy with a response. You're way better than that.

Risk is inherent in life. Agreed. Pretty much anything we do could hurt us or someone else. Really? Anything? Really? While some of the things I do may be risky for me , and you can even make a case that some of the things I do are risky for others, a blanket statement like anything we do is indefensible, isn't it? I walked to the gym today, and I suppose an air conditioner could have fallen out of a window and killed me, but other than that, where was the risk? I did laundry, and I suppose one of the machines could have blown a gasket and sent a metal laundry part into my head, but other than that, where's the risk? Ditto lunch at the diner. I know, choking on a chunk of chicken. Waveboarding and snowboarding is the same thing as a condomless gangbang. That's your position? Or can I submit that you created this "everything is risky" reality so a bareback gangbang is no more or less risky as a "mental gymnastic" to justify doing something that on some level, you know is unhealthy.

OK. My turn as target. While I never once said that it's OK to bareback an anonymous, blindfolded bottom nor did I imply in any way that pulling out and shooting on him was in some manner elevating the not good level to something noble. That's all subtext you gave me. But I did do it and I said so publicly. The part I left out of that story is the conversation where we discussed the fact that we were both HIV+ and more specific details of our current health situation. It wasn't really an important part of the narrative at the time. The main point of that story was how scary/exciting it is to walk into a "strangers" apartment and take him. Sort of the "gay burglar" that used to pop up in 80's porn. I happen to be predisposed to pulling out and shooting on the guy, I think because I saw so much 80's porn. It just feels more normal to me. Besides in the scene we were in it just felt right to cum on the li'l fucker. Sort of a "there, consider yourself used and spewed on sort of moment". It's you who seems to be fixated on cumming inside him or it can't be right. If anything it feels like what you are fetishizing has limited you. As if it's never satisfying unless you cum inside him.

I'm fully cognizant of the gay man as "sexual outlaw" scenario, and part of me fully supports it, within reason. I'm also quite aware that anyone could pick up many parts of this blog and label me an evil freak. And yes, I get that people fit in a broad spectrum when expressing their sexuality. I myself am really turned on on one level with the loss of control a bondage scene would be, with me being the one restrained. But I've never in my life tried it because the control freak in me always screams "Are you kidding?" loud enough to dissuade me. I'm curious why an obviously educated man wasn't able to understand that it wasn't just a sexual issue with your non-bondage bottom but a psychological phobia.

In rereading my earlier post I honestly looked to see if I could find an area where you could infer that I was judging the bareback bottom in this situation. What I found was that, reading between the lines, if anything I believe I was judging the bareback tops by choosing to help this man become seriously ill or worse. Interesting you didn't see that. And I do still feel that this man is free to live the life he chooses, my question was that with new information in my possession could I be a willing participant in that choice? I decided I could not.

I have no doubt that the folks at Treasure Island media believe they are making "documentary porn". I have no doubt that this man does this in his real life, I have no doubt he spent Black Party weekend getting fucked repeatedly and I reiterate it's his choice. Is it at all possible that more mental gymnastics have been performed by Paul and the gang to, I don't know, justify and sell more videos perhaps? And when he catches all manner of STD's and ends up hospitalized how much of the bill do you figure the folks at Treasure Island are footing?

I agree with the current IML, it is good these issues are being discussed, I wish there were many more forums, discussions and studies being done to at least make sure people made informed choices. I support risk reduction and clearly, use a condom every time just isn't working nor do I feel it's realistic. Ironically, the link you've provided frankly and honestly brings up many of the ways how/why bareback sex occurs and advocates condom use clearly and pointedly. Don't do my work for me, man.

I don't really have an opinion as to whether these videos make it more attractive. Nor can you say that people know the risks on either side. The bottom may be in complete denial about what he's doing. The tops may intentionally be trying to find HIV- men to give them "The Gift" as you described before. I didn't know that bottoms participating in these activities are ending up with a host of other STD's and infections. I should have, it makes sense now, but I didn't. Does just being HIV+ kill you anymore? Is it a reason to put yourself in additional extreme danger? I'm counting on my family's rich tradition of heart disease to kill me before HIV does.

Lastly, as I spent all weekend working on a response to this really fascinating e-mail a thought occurred to me. I almost let you get away with something. The original reason for posting the story about the neighborhood bottom was it was a hot story. It was hot because he was blindfolded. It was hot because he left me a key to his apartment without (really) knowing me. It was hot because he was waiting for me naked and "asleep", ass in the air. It was hot because I didn't talk I just did. It was never about a bareback experience. I could have added that I rubbered up or I could have thrown it in in this response. But I'm trying to be completely honest. And yes, you correctly deduced that I didn't use a condom. But that was never the focus of the fantasy. Unfortunately, it seems to be the focus of all your fantasies. For you, a hot story about an encounter with a slightly kinky neighborhood bottom became a bareback experience that you could try to use to perform one more double back flip to justify things the way you like best. The fact of the matter, the reason for my original post, was to let more people know that no matter where you are landing in the sex/HIV/condoms never/sometimes/always discussion, when it comes to these extreme gangbang bareback sessions, videotaped or not, frequently the bottom guys are ending up quite ill. Better informed, maybe some people will make a better choice. In theory, my hot encounter with the neighborhood bottom could have been a dangerous choice, but it wasn't. In theory, one of us could have given the other an STD, but we didn't. Would I do it again? Hell yes. Would I ever consider participating in an extreme bareback gangfuck (videotaped or not)? No, people are getting hurt.