From The Ashes ...

This Was "Bugging" (pun intended) Me...

Note to Watercolour Boy:

HIV+ does not equal PWA, although every PWA is HIV+.

That was a stupid post and your ignance is showin. Stick to getting fucked.

As well, someone who got it right:

#66535, "RE: Another HIV + escort..."
In response to Reply # 0
Mon Mar-15-04 01:18 AM by DevonSFescort

I'm sorry to hear about your friend, Ryan, and that you have had to deal with this with many other friends. I hope your friendship is able to remain strong, that you can be a source of support and strength to him, and that you yourself get the emotional support you need to cope with what is happening to so many of your friends.

I agree with you that internalized homophobia contributes to a lot of destructive behaviors that many gay men participate in. However, your friends who barebacked ARE responsible for their behavior, and I don't say that because I'm interested in assigning blame, or because I consider them any less deserving of compassion because they made bad choices. Rather, I say that to give your friends a little credit: if they're responsible for their behavior, that means they have the power in their hands to change it, and to engage in behaviors that are healthier both for them and for others. Yes, it's too late for them to avoid getting HIV, but it's not too late for them to stop wrecking their health and endangering the lives of others (who, in turn, it must be said, are responsible for their own choices).

The religious right hates you as much as it hates your friends -- maybe you too have had to struggle with some self-hatred brought on by internalized homophobia -- but with regard to safe sex, at least, it sounds like you have not let self-hatred "do the driving." Nor do your friends have to continue to let self-hatred make the decisions for them. Many people have risen to their greatest heights in life after hitting rock bottom or getting very close to it. I bring all this up because I hope that if you can muster up some belief in your friends' ability to turn their lives around, that that belief will be contagious, so to speak, and that you will "infect" them with the right kind of positivity that will help them to take things to another direction.

It isn't easy, though; there's no doubt about that, and I'm sorry you didn't get more support on this thread. It saddens me to think that news of "another HIV+ escort" is nothing more to some people than an occasion to critique how you bump travel posts, what your profile on AOL says, or what you're like as an escort. For what it's worth, I think news of "another escort's" seroconversion and continued harmful behavior is sad and important enough to be worthy of either sympathetic responses or respectful silences. It's a sad day when people on an escort website second-guess a escort's motives for venting about a friend's self-destruction. You're right that they are wrong to make you the issue. I hope you fewer numb, jaded responses elsewhere than you found here, and more supportive ones instead.

xoxo,

Devon