And I'm fine. Dr's appointment tomorrow. Will try to post after.
Update: OK. So I know I promised you an update. But I've had some ... things happen the last few days. If it wasn't clear, I did get fired. For being a drunk. Specifically, for getting drunk and blowing off work and then copping to it all. The truth? I was in a downward spiral and all I could think of was to throw myself a lifeline with the only hook that has never let me down. The unvarnished truth. The hard part has been turning that truth inward to places I thought I might never be ready to go. I've had three Gay-A meetings the last three days. I've set an ambitious goal of 90 meetings in 90 days. That wasn't my idea, it was a suggestion from another. But it appeals to the jump in with both feet nature of my personality(s). The bottom line is I was ready. I was totally unsatisfied with what I had made of myself, of my life. I was living in fear. I was living in shame. I got angry with myself. And so very, very tired of being unhappy.
Emotionally, I feel strong but completely raw and exposed. And not the good kind of exposed. The fear is sloughing off me like a dead layer I no longer need. It's all brand new, but I've been walking around feeling like somebody told me a secret that other people don't know. I've started down a long, long road. This may take years to complete. But I have a feeling, I took a huge first journey this week.
Physically, everything went fine at the Dr. I had what I thought was a big drop in my T-Cells and almost shit myself. But when she booted up all my results, it seems that what I had was an unexpected (and probably) false spike in my count, and that it has actually just come back down to my normal range. My percentages remain unchanged, and I'm still undetectable. One thing, she mentioned that one of my liver tests was abnormal, but the other was fine.
"But that could just be because you were out drinking the night before the test."
Ya think?
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