From The Ashes ...

OK Then...


I just needed a day to think. Actually, to tell you the truth I spent one day in denial and recovering from a chemical and liquor fueled blackout. Recovering is probably the wrong word. I woke up, puzzled as to how I got home or in my bed. I remember speaking to The Ex, confused about whether it was the same day or the next. I think I actually walked the dog, but at best it felt like a hiccup in time. One second I was asking for another martini, the next I was home.

So, fired from a job I had grown to hate, and was intending to quit in a month. (My aforementioned big surprise.) And still I find myself resentful. I know almost none of it is about me. Frank, the German/Floridian has the Overlords' ear right now. They needed to provide him with a job and I had the job they needed. While I don't believe in self aggrandizement, which probably contributed to a lot of misconceptions about what was going on, I do believe in striving to be honest with myself. I know I did a good job. I was responsible, honest, available and a problem solver. I wasn't afraid to make a decision or address a difficult issue. I always admitted when I was wrong. I never based anything I did on anything other than what I thought was fair, best for the business or occasionally to be left alone. Worrying about protecting my job or showing how important I was didn't enter the picture. Perhaps it should have, but protecting a job that I never felt compensated enough for seemed, well.... stupid. Besides, I believe in doing a good job. I believe that if you do a good job that good things will come of it. I know, I'm an ass.

I got this long story about how they wanted someone who was more out on the floor mixing with the crowd but that's all bullshit. This was mostly about my inability to kiss ass and work the system. The Overlords really need their asses kissed. I have had more than one person say if I'm thinking it, I may as well have "fuck you" tattooed on my forehead. I used to be better at "playing the game", as I got older, as what I believed to be important in life changed I just couldn't (or wouldn't) pretend that stupid people , incompetent people, ridiculous people,... weren't. That can make you unpopular. It can apparently get you fired.

It's been years since I've been fired. That's not a good feeling. The oddest part of the experience was knowing in advance I was being fired. And then going to the main office, to be fired. "Hi, I'm here for you to fire me." Very odd. I guess preferable to having no idea. But I know how the Overlords think, I know how they operate. It's almost laughable what they believe they're accomplishing versus what's actually happening. How they've eliminated the last line of defense between order and utter chaos.

So it's done. Finished a month before I planned. But finished nonetheless. I can't wait to see the results of the only person who was actually doing things on a regular basis being pulled from the picture, but I'm not egotistical enough to think that a business that's been running for 15 years will somehow crumble in my absence. I'll be a blip on the history of the business before you know it. It will go on. I will go on. I hope I'll be missed by the people that matter to me.

So for now, I've decided to take a week to decompress. They've been paying me illegally off the books for the last three years so a sweet free ride on unemployment isn't an option. Fortunately, I was preparing to leave anyway so I'm not without my resources. But I'll have to find a new job sooner rather than later. I have some projects I've been meaning to tackle around the house. First up, the kitchen needs a major cleaning. Before I start that though, it's positively gorgeous outside. I think I'll put my nipples to the wind and head out..... there, somewhere. Want to meet me for brunch?