Thursday, April 08, 2004

I Remember When Blogging Was Fun!

I'm in lust.

In keeping with one of my New Year's Resolutions, I decided to go out last night. As always there was a plethora of nightspots available to me with Urge being the most likely (read closest) choice. It helps that they do have some of the trashiest (in a good way) go-go sluts around town. But I always feel like go-go sluts swinging hard cocks in your face are sort of saying "see what you can't have?" After a while it gets on my nerves. Instead I had already decided a visit to Barracuda was the order of the day. My reasons will be made clear.

For entertainment, they had a new show starting last night as they have a pretty big section of the bar devoted to a stage and shows. The new show on Tuesdays is called the Gayly Show. If you're wondering if it's a gay rip-off of the Comedy Central show The Daily Show it is. By the way, if you don't watch the real thing on a regular basis you're really missing out. The show is fucking hilarious. John Stewart's delivery is spot on.

In any case, they booked the lovely and talented Shequida to host The Gayly Show. I thought she had left for some foreign country on a long tour, I remember a going away party recently or some such business but maybe I'm not up on my drag queen travel info. They worked up a background screen with a knock off of The Daily Show logo and stuck Shequida behind a "desk" that seemed to consist of a piece of Plexiglas and a couple of sawhorses. OK, I'm exaggerating but can you say "cheesy"? The show was advertised to start at 10 which translates to drag queen time at 11 or 11:30. The Ex hogged the bathroom just as I wanted to be getting ready (as well as on Saturday when he took a two hour bath in the afternoon. Is it just me, if you were planning on taking a two hour bath wouldn't you mention to the other people you live with "hey, I'm gonna be tying up the bathroom all afternoon if you want to get in there ahead of me go now".....or maybe after you've been in there an hour inquiring "hey, I've been in here an hour do you need to use it?" What a selfish mutherfucker. But I digress....) so I ended up leaving for the bar around midnite. The walk across town was 20 minutes or so. When I arrived the show was just starting. Gaytime go figure.

Now, I'm not sure what was up with the sound but I was in the back of the stage area theoretically plenty close enough to hear everything. She sounded like she was working with a pillowcase over her head. So it was headlines a la The Daily Show I assume, but all I got at first was *muffle, muffle, muffle* Christina Aguilera. *muffle, muffle* skank. *"Muffle, muffle, muffle* Madonna. *"muffle, muffle* old lady. I guess this was actually kind of merciful because the one thing I didn't hear during this part was any laughter. Since I couldn't really hear, it was hard to say if the jokes weren't funny or if the sound problems were room wide. I got the impression that the sound was better closer to the stage so note to The Gayly Show: find a comedy writer. It seemed though that Shequida was controlling most of the music snippets and video gags from a laptop on stage which, for a tech geek like me, was big props on using technology to put together a show. Tech savvy drag queens.... who knew?

After 20 minutes or so of un-hilarity ensued the real reason for my visit came upon us. Just like The Daily Show, this show had booked a guest to interview. Their first guest was local porn star/escort Raging Stallion and Rentboy exclusive Tony Serrano. *sigh* I've been lusting after this man for over a year. Have a look....

That's what got my sorry ass showered, dressed and across town on a Tuesday. Now, I have to say my obsession with Tony has been borderline unhealthy. It's just that he's too perfect. He's American, but he's also Latin and Italian. He's hung like a , well, Raging Stallion and those lips. Of my many fantasies he falls squarely into the Latin top that fucks me fucks me naps with me has some pizza and fucks me again category. Truth to tell I sort of was hoping that if I saw him live that I would be able to find a fatal flaw to knock him out of my head once and for all. That happened with another porn star escort many years ago that I had the pleasure of "meeting". I'm not going to name him because he was really nice and did have a great bod, all five foot four of it, and once I discovered he was a wee one (with kind of a wee one, truth) well that broke the spell.

So Tony's portion of the show consisted of an interview, "how did you get in porn, blah, blah...." "do you like all your co-stars....blah, blah" The only thing interesting about it was inexplicably, when it came time to provide Tony a microphone for his interview, rather than just pull out another mike it was revealed that Shequida's mike was on some sort of a splitter cable. She had to hook a second mike on to her mike and the cable that split off looked to be about a foot long. So interviewer and interviewee were by default locked together with a foot of cord all that separated them. For the life of me, I can't figure out who decided on this setup. It looked....awkward. There's no way this was the best they could do. With their sound system and dj booth two separate mikes on a stage is a piece of cake. Anyway, towards the end, they talked about Tony's latest video and showed an extensive clip. Again, I'm desperately hoping something will turn me off. Instead I get video images of Tony eating butt and deep dicking a moaning bottom. Fuck! So now it's 1am and I'm standing in the back of the stage area at Barracuda and my cock is now snaking down the leg of my jeans. Shoulda worn underwear I suppose. Eventually, the show came to a conclusion after a (real) girl and guy came out as "correspondents" reporting for the show. They were funnier, at least, but strictly snicker funny not guffaw funny.

So with the show concluded I made my way to the front to scope out the crowd. Ya know, I have to say I've been to Barracuda on several occasions and for a gay bar in Chelsea they do attract a diverse crowd. Over by the bar, 30 year old heteros are having a beer and kissing. There's a part Asian kid in his mid 20's workin the room. The boy wants to get fucked. I don't need to be an empath to clock that one. There's a couple of queens easily ten years older than me (that's old!) but still in good shape (nice to know) having a couple beers. Just as I'm making a mental checklist about where I'm going what I'm doing tomorrow in what order I turn and face the door. Not 10 feet away from me in between me and the door, it's him. He looked a lot like this at the time:

Just then, whoever, whatever he was waiting for must have popped up because he started walking in my direction. It was as he walked right past me and glanced (unmeaningfully) in my direction that I realized I was hopelessly, irrevocably in lust. He's exactly my height. The strange sound I made? That was my asshole trying to grow a hand and grab him. I love guys the same size as me. I get intimidated when they're much much taller and I only want to fuck the smaller men. My height or a tad shorter or taller, all bets are off every hole is fair game. I have to have him.

Unfortunately hooker sex money comes from a luxury fund that is already badly depleted (more on that later), so this particular fantasy fulfillment will have to be tabled for now. Besides, he was leaving to shoot a video in Palm Springs first thing in the morning. Rest assured I always find a way to get what I want. And I want to have long loud reapeated nasty dirty sex with him. In the meantime, my brush with Tony Serrano has turned me into a horny, filthy bottom. Just so you know.