How Ya Feelin?
Doctor's appointment in an hour. Should lead to an interesting post. Good interesting not scary interesting. More later.....
Today's mobile weblog entry is coming to you from a table at Push Cafe (23/3rd). Push Cafe .... it's coffee, what did you think?
So. I had a feeling. I was kind of anxious about my Dr's appointment. This was to be my first test since I had radically altered my diet. The Dr. that designed the plan said throughout the book that it was possible to change your body's blood chemistry. And physically, I've been feeling fine. Really fine. I've had lots of energy, I'm sleeping well (although that's about to get better, but you and I have to wait a week for an explanation, of a sort, that's already been written), and my creative juices (well, all my juices) are really flowing. So I guess it's human nature to know or believe that all roads lead to happiness but still worry that a monster is about to rise up and cause an aneurysm to make the side of your head explode. Well, as it turns out, the Dr. was right.
First, my official official weight loss after the diet is 15 pounds. Or 17. I was fluctuating between 160/162 when I started. Today I clocked in at a solid 145. I know that sounds skinny but there was a time when I was this same height and I tipped the scale at a whopping 128. Now that was skinny. I've given up worrying about my weight versus someone else my size. I'm just not a very big person. And I am, in fact, freakishly light. Given feathers I could probably take flight. Besides, all that weight came almost exclusively from my belly making me emminently more fuckable than I was before. (Try telling that to the two 20somethings I caught playing touch my pickle in the gym sauna yesterday. They practically ran through the glass door to get away from me.)
Now for some numbers:
Hdl (good cholesterol) Normal Range: 35-65 My #: 93 (up from 88) that's good
Ldl (bad cholesterol) Normal Range: 75-129 My #: 65 (from 57) that's good
Triglycerides (high is bad) Normal Range: 55-200 My # 60 down from 186 also good
I came in a tad anemic but that's normal for my family. Nothing a couple of juicy bloody steaks won't take care of. Yes, I feel our animal friends are to be exploited and consumed. Take that, PETA.
Also my blood sugars came in perfect which is extra cool because I really did fast the required 8 hours beforehand this time. Usually I eat (fuck fasting). But this time I relented due to a teeny bit of nagging from Neo. So I'm sweet as candy on the sugar, sugar.
This was a surprise. My testosterone levels have been in decline every time I test. On my last visit we had discussed beginning testosterone replacement therapy. This test was to be the deciding one, but since I had trended downward all year, my doctor and I both sort of assumed we would have to. So much so that I spent the last few months studying up on treatment options and side effects and effective dosage and administration. I arrived at my appointment with my preferences for treatment already decided upon. My last blood test my free testosterone came in at 47 (normal range is 52-280). I forgot I'm a freak. My current free testosterone came in at 60. So we table the new treatment for now. (*Bows*) I thank you, my massively huge hard cock thanks you. Fuck me? Nah, roll over Nancy. Fuck you!
Now THE numbers:
Unfortunately, my viral load more than doubled to 81,250. Don't be scared. Let me tell ya a little secret about your viral load one of my doctors clued me in on. In order for someone to give you your viral load count a sample of your blood is taken to a lab where a skilled lab technician takes your blood sample and puts it under a microscope and .... wait for it ... counts your viral load! Now, do you think that it's in the realm of possibilty that perhaps the good folks at our local laboratory may have in their employ a skilled lab technician that's load counter deficient? In a New York City Medical Facility? Impossible! All kidding aside, I have a viral load count from October of last year that came in at just over 10,000. That's four times less than my baseline numbers. So we'll just consider this a mere blip on the viro-meter and nothing to go screaming down the middle of Second Ave. over. As to my Tcell #'s: I got 464. Lost 4 of the little bastards. Quitters! I say good riddance! They were probably wearing out of season Prada. Nothing worse than TCells with no fashion sense.
So, all in all, and not to repeat myself, except for the deadly virus coursing through my bloodstream who wants to fight? Or better yet, who wants to fuck?
But wait, there's more!!!!!!!!!!
I've been keeping something from you. If you go back into my archives (especially towards the beginning) my decent into depression and near madness is well chronicled. I've spent the last few years trying to makes sense of it all and patching together my battered psyche. I quit smoking, curtailed my drinking. This year I've radically changed my diet. Each of these things have left me feeling stronger and more ready to cope with life. The severe phobias including panic attacks, vertigo, tunnel vision and hoplessness have all but left me. I'm living proof that you can radically improve your life and your health by taking the time to examine the things you do that contribute to making you sick. Having said that I have a confession to make. The last year if not longer I've been struggling with a general anxiety problem. To explain: everyone gets anxious about something in their life at some point. I was experiencing irrational fears (of choking) I was unable to take escalators (fear of falling) it was impossible to initiate a conversation with anyone (unless we'd already spoken). I would see people gathered in a restaurant at night having dinner and I would shudder in fear at being forced into that room. Even though that wasn't going to happen. For the last two years I've been cutting my own hair as I can't stand the thought of having a stranger put their hands(and sharp scissors) near my head and eyes. Seeing someone on TV get wrapped up during a skin treatment totally upset me because I know how great they feel and the thought of not being able to have one because I was such a freak made me so sad. Meditation helps. Eating right helps. I've almost conquered that stupid escalator problem on my own. I've ridden lots of them this year. But I have punked out and I never know from day to day what causes it or what's going to trigger me. Please understand, I'm not paralyzed by this. But I spend an inordinate amount of time in service to these brain storms and the energy it takes to force myself to conquer the problem. So I asked for help. I asked my doctor to prescribe Clonazepam as I have a co-worker taking it and he gave me a "tester". It worked great. The entire night it was finally quiet inside my head. Heaven. My Dr. nixed this idea as this drug comes from a family called benzodiazepines that can become addictive with severe withdrawl symptoms. Instead she prescriped a drug called Buspirone that is thought to be non-addictive. I've been researching it's use and it seems that I won't be taking it forever. It seems to be used for about a six month period whereupon I'm guessing you have effectively re-wired your brain or at least stopped whatever chemicals I'm producing that is causing this general anxiety. If it doesn't work, I can always scream and cry for the other stuff. And the beauty of the internet, of course, is there's always a way. I will try to keep you posted how it's going. Supposedly I'll begin to get results in about two weeks. Quick fix me is going to have to shut his trap for a bit and be patient. If I can sit in a salon and get my haircut I'll be thrilled.
