So much to impart where to start where to start? First I would like to celebrate the fact that without any real promotion from me over 300 peoples have visited my little blog. Andrew Sullivan who? But so far only one of you muthafuckas has taken a second to send me an e-mail of praise, enjoyment or yes, I even crave scorn at this point. (Hi Anne) I will answer you if you take the time so click on that time stamp at the bottom of the post and write me........bitches.
They's all kinda things afoot up at the bar. Lots and lots of back stabbing and in-fighting with a healthy dose of medical issues and even a death. Not one of our's thank the spirits. At least so far. All bars in Manhattan come with some drama built in. Gay bars come with a double dose. We have gone so over the top of even that lately that I just don't know. I'm not sure what's causing it. I'm not even sure if I may or may not have had a hand in it. But I sure as shit know I can stop it right quick. I have no interest in working in a place where the staff is so obviously seeking to sabotage each other instead of supporting each other. And I'm afraid that they are being encouraged tacitly by behavior they are seeing from their management. No, I don't mean me. Are conversations being remembered wrong? Are people being mis-read or situations getting out of hand because it's all being filtered through untold numbers of Dewars and soda? I know that my alcohol abuse eventually altered my personality. There's no reason to think it wouldn't happen to another. So my phone line be burnin up with disgruntled employees and confused managers and (I'm sure) maddeningly for them all I can see all sides of the argument. An unexpected bonus of Multiple Personality Disorder I've learned to exploit.
Ya know, ya take a picture of your own ass and put it in a frame and people just go crazy. T----, all she of the 22 yr old virgin (I said virgin) from Ohio was practically scandalized that I would put it up in a bar for people to see and I'm like "girl, it's an ass. What's the big deal? Dennis Franz showed his. Besides, it's ART. And it's just an ass." Danny (my ex) absolutely loved it an sent me an e-mail telling me so. I wrote him back that I guess yes, with the right lighting under the right conditions at the right time of day I still have a nice ass. That is what you call false ass-modesty. You decide.
So last night I'm home watching Cher on Bravo in preparation/anticipation of the debut of this new show Queer Eye For the Straight Guy. Before I move on let me say that I worship I adore I LOVE Cher with all my heart and soul. But hunny, Botox is for sippin you don't drink it straight from the bottle. Every time they did a close shot on her face her voice was coming out but the actual face DIDN'T MOVE! It was scary! If I could turn back time. Apparently, you can only halt it completely. Now on to the new show, I have to admit I really had my doubts about this idea. I read the casting call (and I swear, really debated weather or not to go to the audition, but alas I am more a Renaissance dick sucker I know a little about skin care and a little about dressing and a tad about culture and a smidge of home decor- she's well rounded like that) for this and at the time, it just felt like great, a bunch of nelly faggots making fools of themselves (and I guess by extension us) on national TV (OK Bravo)because they want to be "celebrities". I just didn't see how the concept would work. Well guess what, I was wrong wrong fuckin wrong. The show is good! I laughed out loud several times. The concept works I guess because they're not only helping some hopless het get his hair under control but they spend much of the show getting him ready for something. In the first episode a gallery showing in the second a much belated birthday party for the wife. They're like a pack of Fairy- God- Faggots come to get Cinder-fella ready for the ball. And besides, they spend much of the show doing my most favorite thing....shopping! (pigs) Shopping for food, for clothes, for furnishings it's shopping shopping mania! I'm so hooked! They wisely make generous use of before and after shots of the hapless het and his home (that house in the 2nd episode my god! And I thought a kitchen garbage full of empty Merlot bottles was bad!) so you can see how bad it was and how fagified it's become. The cast?
Do I need to tell you I want to make babies with Kyan? Although I will be shortening that to Ky.... or maybe K. Child, she could gel me anytime mmmm-mmm I got that fresh clean haridresser smell come wafting right through my telebision. And do you believe he had to show a grown man how to shave? Classic moment: when he got the guy in the 2nd episode to admit to washing his face with Ivory Soap. Did you see my future ex-husband literally shudder? Too funny.
Carson of course will be getting most of the press. He obviously is more than willing to deliver some high camp and even though that was part of what I was afraid of at first but by the time you see the Sultan of Swish get Jai to climb up on the bed with "Butch" or offer to come in and wash that Long Island mess's netherparts hunny, trust, you love her.
The other cast members haven't really had their moments yet although when you see what the interior designer, Thom (please, I'm surprised she didn't add an extra T) does with that typical messy mismatched New York apartment I wanted to drop down and suck him off right there.
Wisely, after about a half hour of random acts of gayness we spend the rest of the show watching the Fab 5 watching their freshly scrubbed charge apply his newfound faggery in the real world. They can, and should go farther with this. I think because they just spent all that time with the poor guy they take it easy on him but really, I have this sneaking suspicion that our wine guy Ted has sheathed a sharp set of claws and I say let that kitten out, kitten.
I'm really not sure what Jai can add as far as culture goes. Once they hit The Big Cup what does he have left? Classic moment: again, on the bed with Butch and when the art patrons took away some of the flyers she had made she was thisclose to screeching. You big fag! (I mean that in the good way)
So all in all I absolutely loved the show and I will be watching future episodes. Next weeks guy looks like he'll be really hot after a haircut . My fears were totally unfounded, we come off looking pretty fabulous. Now I'm just afraid they're gonna give out all our gay little secrets and then we'll have to invent totally new ones to make us better than everyone else. Until the episode where the Happy Hetero lets Kyan shave his balls, I'm in for the ride.
