Happy 4th of July
Another exciting day here in Western New York. I must say, the weather has been gor-fucking-geous these past few days. The locals have been complaining about the humidity but I think NYC is worse. Maybe it's all those big buildings all in close that really makes it feel extra muggy. Anyway, She Who Must Be Served went home to her father today and in her defense, after she left I heard all sorts of fresh stories about how he is one sandwich short of a picnic on many occasions so I guess I can cut her some slack regarding the whole under the bed/temper tantrum thing. She has a lot to deal with losing her Mom at 5yrs old and then being left with an unstable father. Every time I leave I pledge to myself to try and be around more for her it's just really hard what with me having a life and all. (It could happen). I grabbed a cat nap in the afternoon and then grabbed a hot shower and managed to do some personal grooming. I never used to be able to do stuff like that at my parent's house and in retrospect I'm sure I had a good reason I just can't think right now why. But today I am proud to tell you I shaved my balls and hole in Mom and Dad's shower. Da-Duh-Daaaaaaa!
Finally made it to the new casino in Niagara Falls tonight. They managed to slap that bad boy together not three months after they legalized gambling there which leads me to believe that the final plans had been tucked away in a drawer somewhere just waiting for approval. Nothing happens in this part of the state that fast. I have to say it's very nice. Lots and lots of slots, plenty of table games, a great buffet and I was told another decent restaurant and a high roller area I didn't get a chance to see. Lost a few hundred on the slots and then another hundred playing blackjack but it was so nice to be out of the suburban box and with some adults for a while. One observation: I think it's just a shame that casual clothes have now become acceptable in every social setting. I'm not saying that you need to go out to a casino in Niagara Falls on a sultry July 4th night in a tux and tails but my god, these people were in dirty, ill fitting T-shirts, bright red lycra short shorts, all manner of tank tops and stupid 4th of July hats. I just think that kind of clothing may be OK for a bar or the movie theater but a clean decent shirt for a guy and a nice pair of jeans and a cute blouse for a girl are the minimim you should wear someplace like a casino, or to the theater etc. I hope eventually people start to dress appropriately to their environment again but I'm not hopeful.
I sent out a couple of e-mails to friends and co-workers while I was gone. I didn't get one answer back. That is partly my fault. You can't fail to make the effort to cultivate close friendships with people and then complain when you succeed. I've had a chance to do a lot of thinking while I've been here (like there was anything to distract me). I have some plans when I get back. It's time to start searching for a new job. I'll get into that at a later time. But I have an overall sense that it's time to move on. I have almost finished healing my battered psyche. And while it goes without saying I haven't come close to being done growing emotionally and spiritually (I doubt I ever will- I hope not, in fact) I am starting to feel that where I work and the people I'm surrounded with are weighing me down and keeping me from progressing on. I want to test what I've learned and try my new confidence back out in the world.
Also, I really need to maintain my distance from Neo. This relationship as it stands is just not working for me and we're together so often that I spend way to much time being jealous and upset. Please, please undertstand he's not doing or saying anything wrong or leading me on this is my crush, my infatuation my desire to be pushed down on the bed and royally screwed. I just think it would be helpful to myself if I avoided a lot of personal contact with him until I can either resolve this issue, get myself back under control or take a new job trusting that we will drift apart as most bar/restaurant people do when one or both of them leave
Tomorrow I'll just be marking time until I can get on that plane back home. Hurrah! My TV! My bed! My porn! My job......errr oh well. Yes, back to work tomorrow night as well. My liver must look gorgeous after 4 days rest. I'll try to take it easy this weekend as well. A fresh round of blood tests on Tuesday. She loves a high TCell count.
