12:30 AM

Usually at this time Riley will begin whining to go out. His last walk of the night is around 1:00. Sometimes later if I'm working or I get caught up killing zombies and lose track. Sometimes he is very patient and other times I get really irritated because he's been non-stop quietly whining in the background for 1/2 hour and he knows it drives me crazy. I know it sounds like I'm a bad Daddy making him wait, but Riley has figured out he doesn't need to whine when he has to go out, he does it when he wants to. I can walk him at 10pm and he'll start the whine at 12:30 because "it's time". How he's knows it's almost 1:00 is beyond me. Dog secrets.

In the summer, that last walk is sooo nice, because even though it's NYC, my neighborhood is relatively quiet that late. Except on weekends. I love to take Riley all around the neighborhood. Sometimes we walk for blocks. On recycle nights we (I) look for good furniture being thrown out. I rarely take anything home, I just like to have a look and think about what I could turn it in to. Possibilities. Late at night, all alone with your dog, they are endless.

In the winter that walk can be downright painful. It is usually decidedly shorter. Maybe once around the block if it's too cold. We're all business. Pee and poop. Let's git 'er done. But unless I am deathly ill we always make that last walk. Even in a cold winter rain. I can't sleep if I think about him having to go out all night. I can't relax. It's become part of my routine. I need to brush my teeth. I can't go to bed without brushing. I need a couple of big gulps of cold water. I need to pee.

And I need to take my dog for his last walk of the day.

The financing I thought I had in place fell through. 100% because my credit is totally fucked. It's a holdover from my days of active drinking, and it's something that is taking forever to dig out of. I may never get out from under it. And it seems like every time I get a glimmer of hope that the mountain of debt isn't looking quite so horrific, something happens to set me back. This time, it was Riley's operation.

I scraped together whatever cash and credit I had left and then borrowed the rest from my brother. Humiliating. Worse than getting him to co-sign a credit account. But I guess in the end, the universe decided I did not, in fact, need another credit card to pay off. Just a family member.

Riley is recovering, although the after-affects of the operation have made him queasy and slow to want to eat. But I expect he will be coming home tomorrow. Mostly because I can't afford another night of hospital charges. Hopefully, he'll be feeling better and I'll have him back by late afternoon. We may or may not make our regularly scheduled 1:00am walk.

But it will be nice to know that we will. Soon.