Friday, January 25, 2008

Got Gang Rape?

After the horrible happenings last weekend I knew it was coming. Still, even I didn't expect the Fire Department, Health Department, Building Inspectors, NYPD and the SLA all together all in one fell swoop. Plus the Spanish Inquisition. And nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.

And while they weren't after me personally or anyone for that matter, I was selected as the least likely to panic and most level-headed (SHUT UP!) person to deal with the deluge of shields and badges. So I scurried about producing payroll records and permits and licenses and floor plans and all manner of paperwork and then accompanied the building inspectors as they went floor by floor to check out every sign and sink and light and poked their heads up in all my nooks and several of my crannies. Fortunately, I had just shaved my taint so I was clean as a whistle. Let that be a lesson to y'all.

The result, some emergency lighting issues, a few building violations, a fire extinguisher that needs replacing, some certificates that have to be produced and filed and only a single health code violation found in the entire restaurant and behind three bars.

All together I spent about 2 hours answering questions and pointedly avoiding several attempts to get me to implicate ourselves as some shady underground nightclub instead of the fun, friendly tourist trap that we are. If we're guilty of anything it's putting too much trust in a shady inexperienced promoter. Hopefully, the powers that be have learned a lesson.

And hopefully I won't have to have every inspector from every city agency descend on me again anytime soon. At least not without buying me dinner and bringing some lube.

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