From The Ashes ...

When It's Late

I'm in my bedroom and everyone has gone to bed. The city that never sleeps occasionally does. The Ex always retires around midnight on a work night. He found out today he's being sent to Paris for a long weekend in November. Feh. I'm not so good with the foreskin. The Hellcat and the on-again boyfriend are spending the night here. The boyfriend leaves for his job as a school teacher at 6 am so it was early to bed for them, as well. I spent the last two hours puttering. I putter a lot. I rarely sit still for very long. I almost never lie down except for the obvious times. I popped an entire chicken breast in the oven complete with red bliss potatoes at 11:30 pm. I did watch a fresh episode of The Real World and a Will & Grace rerun while the chicken cooked. But I sat on the couch the whole time, I swear. I haven't seen any new episodes of W&G, although I've heard rumblings along The Internets that it's not very funny anymore. Of course, there are those that never thought it was. I always fell squarely in the middle with that show. I saw enough of myself reflected as a neurotic, self-centered New Yorker to at least find it amusing. Plus, I was delighted that someone managed to do, and get away with, the American version of Patsy Stone in the Karen Walker character. When the talk began of doing AbFab for American TV, my first thought was that America in it's current prudish return to "family values" (and the horrors that sentiment conjures in many Americans) would never accept a pill-popping, liquor guzzling, aging sexpot on prime-time TV. Turns out with the right blend of unapologetic acting and great writing, they will.

Anyway, after pulling the chicken from the oven and separating the chicken and potatoes into containers for the fridge, (See, I had no intention of eating I just cooked a meal. For later. Or tomorrow. Because I had an hour. It's complicated.) I had to clean off my bed if I had any intention of sleeping in it. I unpacked the dirty clothes from my gym bag and put the stack of books I moved earlier back where I had them. I put this month's stack of unpaid bills back where they were this morning. Mindful of the fact that I have 10 days to figure out how I'm going to pay them. After that, I should be back receiving a steady income and will spend November bailing water out of the bottom of the leaky boat I call my life. I brushed and flossed. My gums absolutely gushed blood. My daily reminder that the dentist (notice I don't call him "my dentist" as he's the dentist I was given. He sort of comes with my HIV coverage) wants me to go to Columbia School of Dentistry and have them cut open my gums and peel them back and clean underneath and then sew them back on. As fuckin if. I can't even fucking stand my free HIV dentist and have to totally medicate just to get through a filling. (Heh, heh. You said "filling".) You think I'm going to let dental students cut me open? I'll bleed, thanks.

I hung up the clothes that didn't need to be cleaned and pick out tonight's sleeping ensemble. I selected a black fleece sweatpant and a white cotton long sleeve shirt. It's turned chilly enough at night that fleece and an extra blanket are called for. The Hellcat has been remarking how drastically colder the apartment has become. Finally, after all these years I feel validated. My home is drafty. I added the optional tan fuzzy slippers for a "don't forget to gay it up, look". I did what was left of the dishes. I turned off the lights in the apartment ( kitchen, living room, bathroom. The Ex inexplicably never, ever turns the bathroom light out when he's done.) I leave a utility light on under the kitchen shelf to facilitate sleepy trips to the bathroom. As I've been writing this we've had two so far. I lined up the remote controls from the living room on top of the cable box in the same order every night: (assuming I haven't fallen asleep out there) TV remote, cable box, DVD/VCR. Then I trimmed my nails and lit a candle.

And that brought me here to you baby. And I'm finally at rest. Here in front of a computer screen. I made myself a fresh Sky and soda. You have my undivided attention. Did I mention you've been looking pretty fuckin sexy lately? Awwww, don't blush, baby. I love the way your eyes crinkle at the edge when you smile. You wanna get out of here and go somewhere more private? Yeah, we can just talk .... if you want.