Wednesday, August 04, 2004

Happy Happy, Joy Joy!

As I wrote previously, I've been internet deficient of late. Shortly after the display on my laptop stopped working, I managed to break the monitor at work. Aside from the largely unimportant fact that we couldn't use the work computer to print out forms, track sales and all the other boring crap we do with it, I was hooking the monitor in to my laptop and using a dial-up connection through the fax machine to get internet access at work. I had always been wary of having internet access on the job as I'm such a pervy porn man at home when I'm on-line. I always have a page open of legitimate research or news that I'm studying up on and another page with an open chat window or a link to Manhunt. I just popped over for a quick check now just from mentioning it. Surprisingly, I didn't do much porn surfing at work. Mostly I would read and answer e-mail, read and answer ads on Craigslist, search job listings. By the way, does Monster.com really work for jobs? The site just seems so enormously bloated that I can't imagine my little resume floating to the surface where anyone that's in a real position to hire me would see it. I am totally intimidated by that site.

At any rate, the idea of getting turned on at work and then suddenly being called to the floor to address a problem seems, well problematic. Of course, since it is a gay bar, perhaps approaching a customer with a bouncing boner in your pants would be enough of a pleasant distraction to diffuse the situation. "Hello, I'm the manager. How can I and my swinging stiffy help you tonight?" Just a thought. At any rate I had purchased said monitor on EBay for like $75 about six months ago. It was probably used and refurbished and then resold. All would have been fine but for me constantly un-plugging and replugging the monitor into my laptop and back to the computer. After about a week of this the little connector pins got horribly bent. Of course I tried the obvious and got some tweezers and attempted to move them back into position but it was no dice. The monitor was well and truly fucked, and my only at work connection to the internet was fucked with it. Doubly frustrating because I'm not sure why but I have content for days backed up in the pipeline. I'm don't know what's fueling it but I have stories and ideas and news coverage just absolutely gushing out of me these days and it just runs the gamut. HIV info, sex, gay news, gay sex, political junk, opinions, my sex life, home, work stories, stuff stuff stuff. So I'm wondering if I might be a little too all over the map. I've noticed a big spike in readership lately and I wouldn't mind a little feedback. Not that I'll necessarily do it but I will at least listen. Do you like that the things I talk about vary? Do you think I'm not focused enough? I'm trying to give out HIV info whenever possible. Do you think I'm succeeeding? More sex? (probably a dumb question) Finally, and most important to me, do I make you laugh on occasion? Let me know. I'm looking forward to it.

I had decided that I couldn't stand living without a cell phone another minute. Not that it was important to my work, not because I feel I'm important enough that I need to be reached at any time. Simply for the same reason I'm guessing most people want a cell these days. Because everyone else has one. I admit it. I'm a gadget queen. If everyone else has something, even something I don't really think I need, eventually I'll want it too. I talked about my previous attempt(s) to take over the cell some careless customer had left behind. That was an unmitigated disaster. But I needed a tech fix and laptop repair is currently not in my available funding range but I figured I might be able to get one of those pay as you go phones they've been selling now. All the major carriers sell at least a couple models. So I traipsed over to (yes, I still traipse) the Circuit City at Union Square. (Soon to also be the site of a branch of Filene's Basement. I was so excited to see the "coming soon" sign I walked over and jerked off on it. Unfortunately, the selection at Circuit City was pretty poor and they were all doing that damn rebate thing. I hate, hate, hate rebates. Just put the motherfucking item on sale at a good price. Why do you need to tie up my $75 dollars for ten weeks before you send it back? I had no desire to shell out $150 plus tax plus buy minutes just to have a phone and then wait 10 (or more) weeks to get a rebate that I actually need now. There had to be another way. Then it occurred to me that I had a working Nextel phone. And even though the customer service at Nextel sucks dirty monkey ass, I was willing to hold my nose if it meant getting my coveted cell phone. So I rang up the local Nextel wireless branch and inquired as to weather they sold prepaid cards. They do, indeed. And you can buy them in any wireless shop around Manhattan. Ah-hah. So The Hellcat and I set out to do some laundry and see if we can secure me a working cell phone. After dropping our loads ..... we headed across 14th street as it is lousy with wireless dealers. And by dealers I mean that in every sense of the word. Wireless phone dealers in New York are a pretty shady bunch. I don't think it's a business for the feint of heart. Somehow you get the impression if you really needed a kidney for transplant on the QT, a wireless phone shop might just be the first stop you'd make. In any case our first stop produced a claim that while yes, they sell prepaid Nextel cards I would have to bring my phone in for something called "boosting" which I beleve when translated from Farsi stands for bullshit and that would cost "around" $80 plus whatever the cost of the card was .... are you getting the picture? I covered my bankcard with one hand and backed away slowly. The next stop further up the street was where we finally hit paydirt. Unfortunately, they don't sell Nextel pre-paid cards. What kind of phone is it? (Insert foreign language discussion between counter clerk and older, obviously in-charge man sitting behind counter.) Well if you like, you can bring the phone in and we'll exchange it for another model. "But I don't want to buy a plan it has to be pre-paid." "Yes, pre-paid." Success!
I dutifully hurry home to pick up the phone and return to the shop. Now only the original counter person is there. I show him the phone and the new Sim card I bought for it. This prompts not one but two seperate phone calls on two phones. One I believe to an Al Qaeda cell and one to Arafat himself. (I am sooooo gonna have my blog spit out of a computer in Quantico today.) He claims that the phone isn't that good but that he has one. Sure enough he does. I'm thinking, if it sucks why do you have one, and I also know it's total bullshit because my phone is still selling on EBay for upwards of $175. The Hellcat mentions that it better have a color screen to which the clerk says "no, no color." We both express dissatisfaction until finally, when all the phone parties agree to strike at the heart of the infidels tomorrow, he offers up this phone. It's nowhere near as nice as the one I'm trading in but it has a color screen and AOL (feh) e-mail and you can text message and the whole thing along with 225 minutes cost me $60 and it works and it's mine, mine, mine. Now during the day I will just program my home phone to ring through on my cell. At night, people will have to try both numbers. And I'll get people in to the habit of leaving messages on my cell, as The Ex has clearly demonstrated that he's listening to all my messages. Something I knew he would do when I agreed to share a phone. Eventually, if the nimrods at Verizon ever get their shit together, I'll have my DSL line converted to "naked DSL" and then I can have my precious 212 number back, but on a wireless line now, and how cunt will that be? *snap*

Speaking of phones. The New York Times ran a story on July 25 of this year about some newfangled service called VOIP (Voice Over Internet Protocal). They so cutting edge ...... christ.

And finally, while we were traversing 14th street in search of unscrupulous wireless dealers we ran across a new bar/coffe shop that we had read about in The Post as being "dog-friendly." Places that tolerate and/or encourage you to bring a pooch put your feet up and set a spell. They had put a blackboard out that they planned to hold a screening of the infamous documentary "Outfoxed: Rupert Murdoch's War on Journalism" at 8pm. The Hellcat expressed an interest and I had heard bits and pieces of how this chronicles Fox News channel's hard shift to the right, all while maintaining and repeating their slogan of presenting "Fair and Balanced Reporting". It was stunning and sickening to see the "talking heads" of the various Fox "news" reporters mindlessly regurgitating whatever buzzwords or phrases they had spoon-fed to them like so much pablum. And it confirms once and for all what I've always suspected. Bill O'Reilly is not only a loud mouthed buffoon looking to get rich by yelling the loudest and being the most outrageous. He is truly an evil, horrible Nazi. He's also drunk with the notion of his own perceived power. And while I still do believe in free speech, I would relish the opportunity to go on that show someday and expose him as the nasty, petty, egocentric, steaming pile of poo he really is. If you get the chance, see this work.

I would tell you the name of the bar we saw it at, but I'm not sure if they were allowed to show it there and I don't want to get anyone in trouble. I'll find other ways to plug the business as the space is great, the staff seems funky and friendly, and their garden is wicked nice. They deserve to do well.

3 comments:

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