Friday, February 13, 2009

Checking In

Sorry I haven't posted all week, but I've been kind of sort of mildly stressed about the (lack of) job situation, and I haven't been in much of a mood to share. I spend part of every single day scouring the Craigslsit ads and checking in at the New York Times help wanted and trying to register with various headhunters that are recommended to me as well as and their ilk.

The discouraging part of all that is that I hardly ever get so much as a phone call or e-mail as a response. For someone with my experience, not getting even a passing interest is pretty unusual, and very hard to deal with. A couple of times I have sent duplicates of my correspondence to my Gmail account, because I occasionally start to doubt that my regular email is functioning.

Logically, I know that this is a whole different economy I am playing in now. Jobs are scarce, and the people that respond to any job posted I'm sure measure in the hundreds. It's not surprising I get lost in the shuffle. But I have a good resume, I've written a great cover letter that I sometimes tailor to the individual job posted, and I don't think I'm being egotistical in assuming that my writing at least makes it pretty clear that I'm reasonably intelligent. So when I get absolutely no response day after day ( now week after week) it starts to get pretty demoralizing.

One of the things they try to teach you in Gay-A is the need to give up trying to impose your will on how your life will unfold. On the surface, it can be viewed as a pretty passive response, one where you simply throw up your hands and leave everything to "God's will". I don't see it that way, at least not entirely.

I think what they are trying to say is that it's kind of useless to spend all your time worrying about the outcome of a situation, particularly after you have done all you can to to address the issue. I can't make people open my email and read my resume. I can't force people to respond. And sitting at home obsessing over my powerlessness gives me even less power than if I just get on with it and leave it up to "The Universe". And it goes without saying that getting drunk or high or otherwise trying to mitigate how uncomfortable I feel by altering my emotional perceptions won't serve any function either.

And that, I think, is what they mean by giving up your will. I understand the concept. I'm just finding it difficult to keep in practice as I live day after day on $10 or $20 bucks. To which, were I counseling someone else, I would reply:

Think of all the people in this world who don't have that...

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