Got Bug?

The New York Times ran a piece yesterday regarding the unusually low rate of HIV infection in gay men in San Francisco . Among five major US cities with large gay populations it came in last (1.2%). In reality, citing the statistics and remarking how unusual everyone found it seemed to be a jumping off point for a discussion of sero-sorting. A process that seems to have taken hold most dramatically in that city.

For those unfamiliar with the term, sero-sorting refers to a practice of HIV+ men that only have sex with other HIV+ men. There are sometimes degrees of "sex" whereby the rules don't apply if, say, the POZ guy is giving a blow job. I certainly don't mention my HIV status if all I'm doing is giving head in a bookstore. If it's full on, both of us naked, on- the-kitchen-table sex, however, I have to say I prefer to mix it up with only HIV+ men. Of course, you can point out that I can have totally safe sex with a NEG guy and I can, and I have. But I would still feel a sense of obligation to reveal my status beforehand. You run a real risk of rejection or even worse (to me) someone who claims it's cool and then lets you know during the act that it's totally not.

Limiting myself (and I don't feel I am at all) to POZ guys makes a lot of things easier. You've got a layer of commonality built in. Now trust … just being HIV+ doesn't make an asshole less assholier. But some (a lot) of the guys are more spiritual. They take things (and themselves) less seriously. Some of them remember to make sex fun. They usually don't go running for the paper towels just cause you got a little jizz on their cheek.

You still need to negotiate what level (if any) of safe sex you're gonna practice. Some HIV+ men insist on following safe sex guidelines. Some want to avoid other STD's. Some will only swallow a load and the reverse. Some HIV+ guys that have sex with HIV+ guys just ditch the condoms altogether. And before I get any (more) SuperVirus Chicken Little e-mails, I reprint this little bit of information attributed to one Dr. Jeffery D. Klausner, who oversees sexually transmitted disease prevention at the San Francisco Department of Public Health:

Worries about acquiring a second strain were mostly unfounded. … research had shown that the risk was low, particularly after the first year or two of infection, and paled in comparison with men who are HIV+ having sex with men who are not.

So there.

I've lived with the knowledge of my HIV status for 2 1/2 years now. The first six months, I didn't have sex at all. As I slowly reclaimed my sexuality, I had to re-examine my parameters for acceptable risk to myself. To others, there was never a real question. I'm trying as hard as I can (without living alone in a cave) to avoid passing this infection on to another. Keeping my circle of sex partners to other HIV+ men seems like a good way to help insure that. Count me firmly in the sero-sorting camp. Now go on out and fuck like bunnies.