Advice For Someone Who Tests Positive

Wednesday's post and Randy's comment in response to it got me thinking. While it's been over 4 years since I confirmed my HIV diagnosis, I still vividly remember the week it happened and the months of doctor's appointments, blood tests, uncertainty and worry that ensued. I received some rudimentary individual counseling and sought out more extensive group counseling on my own. This was enormously helpful and I highly recommend it. That article got me wondering about people who are newly diagnosed and the support they may or may not get from friends, family and their community. Specifically, I'm wondering if, like the article I republished, any of you remember what was particularly helpful or sensible or comforting advice that you received from a friend, a boyfriend or even a doctor or your mom regarding HIV.


I'll start. Not surprisingly, the best piece of advice I received came from my friend Neo. He was the first person I thought of when I got my diagnosis and the first person I told that week. His advice, for which I will be eternally grateful, was that I should resist telling anyone else at first. Not The Ex, not my other co-workers and certainly not my boss at the time. I didn't know how good that advice was then, but I took it, and in hindsight it was invaluable. I've since heard many a horror story about people who have broadcast their HIV status to someone they believed they could trust, only to have it lead to harassment on the job, eviction from an apartment or the disintegration of a relationship.

Besides, no matter who you are or how much you think you know, an HIV diagnosis can be gut-wrenching to say the least. As Neo pointed out, the diagnosis is just the start of a long journey. There are many decisions that have to be made and a lot of issues that will need to be addressed. None of these decisions are necessarily cut and dried, and it's helpful to take your time and come to terms with who you are, how you feel and what direction you want to take things. Mucking things up by involving people who don't need to be involved makes it infinitely harder to sort out.

Obviously, because I was a single man at the time, I didn't have to face telling a boyfriend or partner, and I'm certainly not advocating covering up an HIV diagnosis from someone you're sexually involved in. But I do recommend that in the case of everyone but your own doctor (assuming he or she hasn't diagnosed you) that you wait before sharing this news. Learn to live with it a while and make some decisions about who needs to know and why. Until the day comes when being HIV+ is a curable condition, or the discrimination and irrational fear against me and mine comes to an end, it's best to come out of the HIV closet a little more cautiously. For your own sake if no one else's.

Readers ....?