Monday, May 24, 2004

From My Mailbag...
(feel free to steal it)

New York, NY

>06:00 PM Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Falwell
>06:30 PM Pledge of Allegiance
>06:35 PM Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd amendment)
>06:45 PM Salute to the Coalition of the Willing
>06:46 PM Seminar #1 "Getting your kid a military deferment"
>07:30 PM First Presidential Beer Bash for Bush
>07:35 PM Serve Freedom Fries
>07:40 PM EPA Address #1: Mercury, it's what's for dinner.
>08:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next
>08:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
>08:15 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos are after your children
>08:30 PM Round table discussion on reproductive rights (MEN only)
>08:50 PM Seminar #2 Corporations: The government of the future
>09:00 PM Condi Rice sings "Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man"
>09:05 PM Second Presidential Beer Bash for Bush
>09:10 PM EPA Address #2 Trees: The real cause of forest fires
>09:30 PM Break for secret meetings
>10:00 PM Second prayer led by Pat Robertson
>10:15 PM Lecture by Carl Rove: Doublespeak made easy
>10:30 PM Rumsfeld demonstration of how to squint and talk macho
>10:35 PM Bush demonstration of trademark "deer in headlights" stare.
>10:40 PM John Ashcroft demonstrates new mandatory kevlar chastity belt
>10:45 PM Clarence Thomas reads list of black republicans
>10:46 PM Third Presidential Beer Bash for Bush
>10:50 PM Seminar #3 Education: a drain on our nation's economy.
>11:10 PM Hilary Clinton PiƱata
>11:20 PM Second Lecture by John Ashcroft: "Evolutionists--The dangerous new
>11:30 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again.
>11:35 PM Blame Clinton
>11:40 PM Laura serves milk and cookies
>11:50 PM Closing Prayer led by Jesus Himself
>12:00 PM Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Leader

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