Monday, May 24, 2004
From My Mailbag... (feel free to steal it)
REPUBLICAN NATIONAL COMMITTEE
New York, NY
>06:00 PM Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Falwell
>06:30 PM Pledge of Allegiance
>06:35 PM Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd amendment)
>06:45 PM Salute to the Coalition of the Willing
>06:46 PM Seminar #1 "Getting your kid a military deferment"
>07:30 PM First Presidential Beer Bash for Bush
>07:35 PM Serve Freedom Fries
>07:40 PM EPA Address #1: Mercury, it's what's for dinner.
>08:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next
>08:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
>08:15 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos are after your children
>08:30 PM Round table discussion on reproductive rights (MEN only)
>08:50 PM Seminar #2 Corporations: The government of the future
>09:00 PM Condi Rice sings "Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man"
>09:05 PM Second Presidential Beer Bash for Bush
>09:10 PM EPA Address #2 Trees: The real cause of forest fires
>09:30 PM Break for secret meetings
>10:00 PM Second prayer led by Pat Robertson
>10:15 PM Lecture by Carl Rove: Doublespeak made easy
>10:30 PM Rumsfeld demonstration of how to squint and talk macho
>10:35 PM Bush demonstration of trademark "deer in headlights" stare.
>10:40 PM John Ashcroft demonstrates new mandatory kevlar chastity belt
>10:45 PM Clarence Thomas reads list of black republicans
>10:46 PM Third Presidential Beer Bash for Bush
>10:50 PM Seminar #3 Education: a drain on our nation's economy.
>11:10 PM Hilary Clinton Piñata
>11:20 PM Second Lecture by John Ashcroft: "Evolutionists--The dangerous new
>11:30 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again.
>11:35 PM Blame Clinton
>11:40 PM Laura serves milk and cookies
>11:50 PM Closing Prayer led by Jesus Himself
>12:00 PM Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Leader
NOTE: THIS IS A CONFIDENTIAL COMMUNICATION. This transmission is intended only for the use of the individual or entity to which it is addressed. If you are not the intended recipient, or the person responsible for delivering the message to the intended recipient, please return it immediately. Although this e-mail and any attachments are believed to be free of any virus or other defect, it is the responsibility of the recipient to ensure that it is virus free and no responsibility is accepted by us for any loss or damage arising in any way from its unauthorized modification or use.