Sunday, December 13, 2009

What's Doin?

I've been working quite a bit, trying to get some money put away as I'm afeerd that right after Christmas will be a little lean. I have all the household bills paid in full (unfortunately not the credit cards) and I am working on trying to get a little ahead so January's bills won't be quite so daunting and I can relax if the work does indeed dry up for a bit. I do have one or two other projects on the back burner so if there is no work and money isn't a big issue, I can just happily live like a church mouse and work through the month on other things.

I do have to hunker down and finish Christmas shopping. Almost every year around Christmas I at some point will have a dream where I end up at home with the family on Christmas morning having forgotten what day it was and without any presents for anyone. Last week I headed out to try to get some shopping done and returned with a case of dog food and a new seat for my bicycle. Both of which I needed but not appropriate gifts.

Something unpleasant that I was hoping to avoid came up last week during my second therapy session. Not unexpectedly, I am finding that some significant issues from my childhood are front and center. I am finding myself a little torn about whether or not I should share these things here. I have been aware for a long time that family members have found their way here. Whether or not anyone is a regular reader or not, I have no idea. If the issues in question only had to do with me or my behavior, I would vomit them up as readily as I have everything else. But that's not the case. And I worry about putting down a record of my stream of consciousness musings that could impact other people. A person's memory can be a tricky thing. Particularly mine, as it is full of holes. And 40 years has made some things abundantly clearer, while rendering other parts decidedly open to interpretation.

As I read that last paragraph back, I have to laugh at myself. Something "unpleasant" is it? Ever the lady, even in the face of adversity.

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