Bit Of A Disappointment

I've decided I will not be posting any more entries expressly for the University of Central Florida HIV studies course. I had hoped that it would provide something akin to a pen pal or blogger pal relationship with at least a couple of the students. I envisioned they would be writing blog posts that dealt in a meaningful way with HIV and how it impacts and affects young people in this country. I also assumed I would be able to take on the mantle of experienced mentor. At least providing them access and info to the life and experiences that are more typical of someone who has been "recently" (meaning not 10 or 20 years ago) diagnosed, and what treatment is like today in this country.

Unfortunately nothing even remotely like that occurred. While I attempted to leave a few comments on their posts in the beginning, it was most definitely not reciprocal. I have not seen any evidence that they are reading this blog, not even the posts I tried to compose expressly for the class. And it's becoming increasingly obvious, as I've been following what they are attempting to communicate, that I really have nothing to contribute to whatever the hell they are talking about.

Nothing ventured ...

But the upshot of all this is that I will be putting back links to some of my more "adult" content. Some of them I removed (voluntarily) in an effort to protect the burgeoning and possibly delicate sensibilities of impressionable students.

In other word, I'm dropping out of school and will re-dedicate myself to my chosen field of studies, naked Latins with impressive cocks and hot asses.

Washington D.C. Studies The Gays

An HIV study highlighted in The Washington Post yields a few surprises.

-14% of gay men in the District are thought to be HIV positive, a rate that is five times higher than that found in the overall adult population.

-more than a third of the 500 or so sexually active gay men who participated reported not knowing the HIV status of their last sex partner.

-according to this study, men over 30 are reporting that they are being tested for HIV less frequently, they are having sex without condoms more frequently and had more sex partners.

-from the silver lining dept.: cases of full blown AIDS and AIDS-related deaths have declined.

Coming Soon To Photoshop - Amazing!

Here's a video that the people at Photoshop Labs have posted, showing some unbelievable photo editing software that will be rolled out in a future version of the program.

No Like!

Today I:

Went to credit card court for an account that frankly, I don't actually remember having. Which is not to say that I didn't but it was during the years before I got sober and things are a little ... vague. Anyway, the case was adjourned until June so maybe there is a way to outsmart the collection agency that I will discover in the interim.

Went to the dentist for a cleaning and had to sit in the waiting room for over 45 minutes, so bored I ended up falling asleep. They usually come out after 20 minutes just to say sorry you are waiting and such but they just let me nod out in a chair. RUDE.

De-friended my first Facebook "friend", who posted a link to (and proudly joined) some organization vowing to "take back" the country from that evil black devil Obama and all those Democratic tools of Satan who had the nerve to pass a bill that will aid 10's of millions of Americans for years to come. I have no intention of suffering that kind of nonsense with Facebook, and if you post blatantly offensive (to me) content (which is saying quite a lot, actually) I will bounce your right-wing, paranoid, hateful ass so fast it will make your vagina spin.

It's Official

I now have two, count 'em two part-time jobs. It's a bit of a juggle but money has improved dramatically already. Also, I've lost 13 lbs. since starting to diet the first week of February or thereabouts. I'm definitely going to 15, and then I'll decide about going for 20.

I downloaded a bunch of pictures from my camera and was pleasantly surprised to find a few more shots from the last winter storm. Including this jaunty fellow contentedly watching the world go by from a park bench. Although judging by the way the sun is bearing down on him, his world-view seemed about to get quite a bit more fluid. After the last four or five days of sunny and unseasonably warm weather we've enjoyed here in NYC, it already seems strange that this was only a couple of weeks ago.

What Have You Been Up To?

That's the question I get from a lot of the Facebookians that have popped back in to my life as a result of my finally deciding to go over the cliff. Unfortunatley, many of them I haven't seen since 1980 or so, which makes trying to encapsulate three decades of "life" rather daunting. But I tried. Here's what I sent to the wife of a teacher I was very close to in High School. Pretty much sums it up I guess:

Woooo ... that's a can of worms. Well I didn't just move to NYC as much as I ran away from home. I had done it several times when I was much younger but this time I had money and a way to book a flight. Not that I didn't have big plans for NY but mostly it was really about getting away.

The other thing I hadn't counted on was that I was running right in to the epicenter of HIV/AIDS in America, and at that time, people were literally dying in the street. I always said that if I had been alive in 1945 I probably would have rushed out and rented a condo in Hiroshima. So it was scary and confusing, and I had a lot of emotional baggage that I needed to sort out. I knew a lot of what I was taught wasn't true, but the real truth took me quite a while to uncover.

Of course it probably took significantly longer as I spent a good part of the last 20 years soaked in alcohol. I was either drunk or recovering from being drunk almost every day. Towards the end I started throwing lots of different pills in just to complete my entire homage to Neely O'Hara (Valley of the Dolls).

The entire time I was working full time, running some of the biggest , busiest venues in Manhattan, first as a bartender and then as a manager. There was no time (or desire) for auditions as my life pretty much consisted of drink and partying with other alcoholics I met through work. We would lose touch when the place ultimately closed and repeat with new people in a new venue. I bounced around Times Square, Greenwich Village, South St Seaport, whichever neighborhood was hot at the time.

I did manage to create one cabaret show that I wrote and performed at the Duplex on Christopher Street, but by then my confidence was shattered and I actually wrote a part towards the beginning of th show where I mix a martini for me to drink on stage. It was real and I needed it. I had developed awful stage fright and figured I was done performing.

Of course, mixed in to all that are disastrous love affairs (I would run, RUN! towards a cute drug addict with a hot butt - so I could save him!), friends and co-workers getting killed in accidents or murdered by lovers, losing my sister mysteriously and unexpectedly until I really became a walking Lifetime Television for Women script.

And of course it includes recovery and redemption. In 2002 I decided my 40th B-Day was a good day to give up my 2 pack a day smoking habit, and about 3 years ago I went to AA for help and got sober. So far, it stuck. I've had a few rounds of short-term therapy and many many walks and bike rides all over Manhattan convincing myself it was OK to stop running away. Finally. And I've met a lot of people just like me who give me encouragement and strength when I can't find it inside myself.

So it's not all that surprising that I was finally ready to resurface after 30 years and re-connect with a pretty happy time in my life. Because I'm at another very happy time, where I have found a measure of peace, and a large swath of contentment in a life that I feared for a while was going to end in a whimper, all alone.

I don't have that fear anymore. As a matter of fact, I don't have much fear at all anymore. I'm in a good place, and I'm thrilled to talk to you and ### again after all these years.

An Embarrassment Of Riches

Two, count 'em two job offers this week. One of which is actually quite crappy which I will decline and one of which I accepted. Although it is part time, I guess two part time jobs equals one actual job. In a roundabout way. Dunnit? I also got a call from a recruiter looking to fill two other positions. One I declined immediately as it would involve an emphasis on beer. And since I never cared for beer even when I was actively alcoholic, and I certainly don't give a rats ass about beer and hops and barley and all that crap now, it seemed silly to even put in for it. The other is actually a new direction for me, and one that I may not really pursue, even if I thought it could go somewhere, but I'm interested in the possibilities so I am more than happy to "take a meeting". One never knows ... do one?

Facebook 'em, Danno.

All right, so I decided to go ahead and jump in to this Facebook pool. The Kool-Aid had a little bit of a bitter "almond-y" aftertaste but besides that it was ... *gak*.

Well as expected everyone I ever met is on and I spent about an hour or so adding friends and then friends of friends. More and more people that I hadn't counted on finding so quickly, most of them from Buffalo and my post High School years. Although finding my old music and voice teacher from my High School was an amazing surprise. Come to think of it, the old bastard hasn't returned my friend request. Hmm.

Needless to say I'll be spending a lot of my free time reading other people's pages and getting caught up. I haven't decided yet whether "From The Ashes" will be meeting up with Tom's Facebook page. That might be over-sharing, but you know how I love attention ....

Low Battery

I slept until almost 1:00 pm today. Haven't done that in probably a year or more. But it is very cold and very dark and very rainy today and I was under the comforter with the shades drawn and Riley underneath the blanket at my feet. I woke up many times to hear the cars running across the rain-slick road and just rolled over. I didn't think it was almost 1:00 however. But I have been working every day and interviewing for work almost every day, as well as all my other "things to do". As they say, I must have needed it. But now I'm off to work with only this blog blurb to show for it. It will have to do. There may be news on the full time job front. Fingers crossed.